From Mr Unintentional Existentialist

did you hurt yourself? cos heaven is such a long way to fall from. now i've got the cheesy chatup line out the way hehe, hows the week been treating your beautiful self?

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Dear Mr Unintentional Existentialist. Thanks for your email. Well, I'll be honest my week was fine until your email, which has caused me considerable concern. You see, I don't believe in heaven - in my mind, there isn't one. I believe that upstairs, apart from maybe my bedroom, bathroom and attic is air, cloud of various shapes and sizes depending on the weather, the odd plane and flock of starlings, and then space. A whole vast expanse of space. So, if I truly fell from heaven, which as I have just explained doesn't exist, or at least I don't believe it exists, then where does that leave me? Do I come from equally unknown and mythological origins, assuming the traditional 'popped out of my mum's tum' was just some yarn someone once spun me to detract from the existential nightmare that was my creation? Or do I quite simply not exist, because I don't believe in that from which I was created? If that is the case, who on earth do you think you you writing to? And who is replying? That is, if this actually is a reply, and not just a figment of my non-existent self's imagined imagination in response to your presumption of the nature of my existence? Given the circumstances I'll happily turn a blind eye to the fact that was quite possibly the cheesiest chat up line in history, because as I'm sure you can appreciate, I now have bigger things to worry about. Yours, questionably